Did you ever think you'd ask...

So, tonight, I went into our bathroom and I found the new box of tampons that I just recently purchased, and to my complete confusion, the box was empty. Hmmm? Ok, so I figured that the kids had maybe gotten into them and daddy had put them in a drawer and not in the box to keep them away from the babies. So, I looked in the drawers and under the sink. Nope. No tampons. Hmmm? That's strange. So, downstairs I go. And this is how the conversation goes. "Honey?" "Yeah, babe." "Ummm... where'd you put my tampons?" "Excuse me?" "My tampons. Their not in the box." "And you think I used them?" "Um, no. I just thought you maybe moved them." "I have not seen your tampons. You know I don't even like to think about those things. Why would I touch them." "Well, the thing is... is they're gone." "Gone? Gone where?" "Yeah... Um, I don't really know. I need you to help me find them." So, reluctantly my husband follows me upstairs to try search for my missing tampons. We searched everywhere. Finally, we find them. Stashed under the bed. Yup. Under the bed. Not really sure why. But, there they were. Under the bed. 

Daddy took the babies to the store today to try and find this special tea for my brother. While he was searching the shelf, he turns around, and this is what he finds. He said it took him forever to put them all back. 

Our weekend in the hospital.

We're home now. I'm very thankful. As I'm starting to type this, I'm realizing how tired I am, cause I'm getting really teary... which I don't really do that much. Emme got sick on Friday. She seemed to just have the crud. Congested chest cough yuckiness and a fever. At about 4am on Saturday, she woke up and her fever was high again. So, daddy and I were trying to decide whether to strip her and give her a bath or more motrin... when she started to roll all over the bed. She couldn't get comfortable and I realized that she couldn't hardly breathe. She was panicking and so was I. I scooped her up and we headed to the emergency room. They did some chest ex-rays and started giving her breathing treatments.... albuterol and then another one that I can't remember the name of. I seem to take a bit after my mom... strong until it's all over, then I cry. I didn't really cry while we were in the ER. I didn't really break down, even when they were putting the IV in her tiny hand, but now that we're home, and she's resting peacefully with her daddy, the tears just won't stop. I cannot imagine our lives before she was here. She's just so much apart of who we are now. Funny... I did not want a girl. I even had a hard time with the idea of a girl. Now, I don't just want a girl, but I can't believe that I ever thought that I wouldn't be able to relate to my daughter. She's my mini-me. I almost every way. She has my temper. My stubborn head. My eyes. My hair. I love my mini-me. Her ex-rays, in the ER, showed some stuff on the left side of her lungs. They explained to us that she had pneumonia. Pneumonia??? How can that be??? She was healthy and fine just a day and a half before that!! I was just sure that they didn't believe us and that they thought we were the worst parents ever! Thankfully... they were so reassuring and validating to us about how babies can compensate for quite awhile before they crash, so although she may have been sick, we couldn't have known. After spending several hours in the ER, they decided to admit her to the pediatric unit. It's amazing how, even when you know that people are all around you and ready and willing to help, as you look at your sick baby, you just feel so helpless. Breaks my heart. I'm so thankful for the hospital staff. They were awesome! So full of compassion and so gentle. She had to wear this nasty contraption on her arm, where they put the IV in. Kids are incredible! Even with this monster on her arm--her right arm at that!-- she managed to figure out how to eat her cereal and fruit snacks using the board and her thumb! AMAZING! She's so smart. The doctor came in today before we left. She said that she looked at the ex-rays from the first night and that they are clear. Nothing on her lungs! Ok, so she said that the ER staff probably made a mistake, but I am confident that God healed our baby and went right ahead and healed the ex-rays with it! He's so good! So, we're home now. This has seriously been the longest weekend ever! I'm so thankful for God's healing hand and His grace even in the midst of our storm! The girl's been pretty ornery (I'm not sure how to spell that...) I think that's probably the best sign that she's getting back to normal! We sure love you, baby! Feel better! 123~Mama. 

I tried to upload a picture of her in her hospital gown... she looked so sweet! 

I woke up this morning and The Caped Crusader was in my bed.

Fall 2008 Photo Shoot

Tough Week

This has been a really tough week. So... going back a bit... My work, a few years ago, stopped accepting Medicaid. This was such a bummer for me, because, the population that generally has medicaid and mental health issues are the kids that I most love working with. The are hard, but really worth every minute of your time with them. So, I have been praying and petitioning for us to have those kids back and within the last month, God has honored those prayers and work, and we are now taking Medicaid again! I'm thrilled! I mean... this is why I do what I do... to serve those kids and their families. 

Anyhow... we have a new girl. Our second Medicaid admission since we started again. She's so hurting. She's 12 years old (the youngest age that we accept) and has been in residential treatment centers for several years. Including the state hospital... which is a big deal. So, tonight was my first music therapy group session with her. We had 7 kids tonight, including 2 new boys, and the girls were all wound up, so it was a bit of a mad house. We headed to the local grocery store for one of the kids' favorite music group traditions... the purchasing of snacks for the evening. Somehow in the craziness of all those kids, I left her behind. Yeah, I  actually left this little girl back at the facility. While I was at the store, another staff member came running in and let me know that they had a situation and that I needed to come. I realized instantly what had happened, left the other kids with my team mate and ran... literally at a dead run back to the hospital. You have to understand that this little girl has severe trauma and attachment disorder. (This is also a big deal.) When I got back, she was crying and calling me names and kicking things. I really just wanted to throw up. I have never, never done anything like this. It took some time and we finally got her calmed down, and I asked her "Where were you? Did you go to the bathroom? How did you get separated from the group?" She replied, "You all walked out the door and I was waiting to see if you'd turn around to see if I was coming, and you didn't, so I came back inside." To which I replied, "You set me up?" And she nodded her  head. Again, I wanted to throw up. This was after having several incidents throughout the week where we had to de-escalate her. My heart is so hurting tonight. I can't believe that I was so careless and part of me can't believe that she would be hurting so bad that she would have to do this... prove that the World is a sucky place and so is everyone in it. I met with her mom. She's amazing. So understanding and so aware of her daughters needs and the way she attempts to get those needs met. Amazing. God is good... I got to tell this little girl how much I care about her, but that I am human, and I will fail her. I will let her down. I make mistakes. I also got to tell her that we (our team) prays for her and for her mom, and that we're not going to give up on her. Both her and mom were crying. I think I'd of cried too... if I hadn't felt so much like puking. Not really sure what will happen from here. I've never made this kind of a mistake. I called my boss. She's great... she assured me that this could have happened to anyone of our team. Still sucks that it had to be me. She has to talk to her boss tomorrow to see what needs to be done. I could be written up.... this would be a first for me. Again... that nausea. I'm trying really hard not to beat myself up and to rest. I do believe that everything happens for a purpose. And I know that God will use it. Trust. Rest. The song "It is Well" has been on my heart for a couple of days. Especially the part about "when peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll... whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say... It is well! It is well with my soul." Abba, Whatever my lot. It is well with my soul. I trust You. I will rest in You.