Tough Week

This has been a really tough week. So... going back a bit... My work, a few years ago, stopped accepting Medicaid. This was such a bummer for me, because, the population that generally has medicaid and mental health issues are the kids that I most love working with. The are hard, but really worth every minute of your time with them. So, I have been praying and petitioning for us to have those kids back and within the last month, God has honored those prayers and work, and we are now taking Medicaid again! I'm thrilled! I mean... this is why I do what I do... to serve those kids and their families. 

Anyhow... we have a new girl. Our second Medicaid admission since we started again. She's so hurting. She's 12 years old (the youngest age that we accept) and has been in residential treatment centers for several years. Including the state hospital... which is a big deal. So, tonight was my first music therapy group session with her. We had 7 kids tonight, including 2 new boys, and the girls were all wound up, so it was a bit of a mad house. We headed to the local grocery store for one of the kids' favorite music group traditions... the purchasing of snacks for the evening. Somehow in the craziness of all those kids, I left her behind. Yeah, I  actually left this little girl back at the facility. While I was at the store, another staff member came running in and let me know that they had a situation and that I needed to come. I realized instantly what had happened, left the other kids with my team mate and ran... literally at a dead run back to the hospital. You have to understand that this little girl has severe trauma and attachment disorder. (This is also a big deal.) When I got back, she was crying and calling me names and kicking things. I really just wanted to throw up. I have never, never done anything like this. It took some time and we finally got her calmed down, and I asked her "Where were you? Did you go to the bathroom? How did you get separated from the group?" She replied, "You all walked out the door and I was waiting to see if you'd turn around to see if I was coming, and you didn't, so I came back inside." To which I replied, "You set me up?" And she nodded her  head. Again, I wanted to throw up. This was after having several incidents throughout the week where we had to de-escalate her. My heart is so hurting tonight. I can't believe that I was so careless and part of me can't believe that she would be hurting so bad that she would have to do this... prove that the World is a sucky place and so is everyone in it. I met with her mom. She's amazing. So understanding and so aware of her daughters needs and the way she attempts to get those needs met. Amazing. God is good... I got to tell this little girl how much I care about her, but that I am human, and I will fail her. I will let her down. I make mistakes. I also got to tell her that we (our team) prays for her and for her mom, and that we're not going to give up on her. Both her and mom were crying. I think I'd of cried too... if I hadn't felt so much like puking. Not really sure what will happen from here. I've never made this kind of a mistake. I called my boss. She's great... she assured me that this could have happened to anyone of our team. Still sucks that it had to be me. She has to talk to her boss tomorrow to see what needs to be done. I could be written up.... this would be a first for me. Again... that nausea. I'm trying really hard not to beat myself up and to rest. I do believe that everything happens for a purpose. And I know that God will use it. Trust. Rest. The song "It is Well" has been on my heart for a couple of days. Especially the part about "when peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll... whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say... It is well! It is well with my soul." Abba, Whatever my lot. It is well with my soul. I trust You. I will rest in You. 

Parents of the Year

Don't judge me, but there are words in my life that I have used for as long as I can remember. I don't recall ever really really getting in trouble for using these words, although I do remember hearing someone coin them as "Christian cuss words." I don't use real cuss words. (Well, I try not to.) Anyhow. 

Today we met my in-laws for lunch. It was a nice lunch, but the kids were pretty worn out, so we cut out a bit early, hoping that they would both take a nice, long snooze in the car. It's been a bit cooler here, since our streak of 90+ degree weather, but today, was again, pretty hot. The boy was so sleepy and needy, so I was carrying him out to the car. As I put him in the back seat and begin to buckle him in, he says "mama, it's freakin' hot. it's freakin' hot, huh?" Yup. Parents of the Year. 

"Something very powerful was when I learned that everything, no matter how trivial or menial, can and should be seen as an act of worship to God." ~DW

What a statement. 

And spoken by a Man of God with wisdom beyond his 22 years. 

Amazing how, even being 6 years older than him... I know I looked up to him. 

I want my life to be a living sacrifice. To be sanctified holy. To be set apart. So, that everyone around me wants to know where my joy comes from. Not just when I sing, but that in every aspect of my life, in all that I do, that my life is an act of worship. 

"You alone, oh God, are worthy, of all that I am." 

I love you Jesus. You, the fullness of God in man, are worthy of all that I am. 

We have potty...

The boy pottied in the potty... his first real live, more than just a few drops, full on urination in the potty!!! We are so proud! We were getting worried that he was gonna be 16 before this finally happened! 

I'm so proud of you, baby!!! Diaper free life... here we come!!! 

Bees

A bee stung my baby girl today... right on the thumb. She cried alot... 

I hate bees. 

"I'm bringing home a baby bumblebee,

Won't my mommy be so proud of me,

I'm bringing home a baby bumblebee,

Ouch! It stung me!

I'm squishing up the baby bumblebee,

Won't my mommy be so proud of me,

I'm squishing up a baby bumblebee,

Ooh! It's yucky!

I'm wiping off the baby bumblebee,

Won't my mommy be so proud of me,

I'm wiping off the baby bumblebee,

Now my mommy won't be mad at me!"

Stupid bee.

I think I'm Finally Figuring This Thing Out...

I changed my layout. I think I like it. I should be sleeping, but since we FINALLY have internet at home (Long story... our house is great, but really old!) I'm able to play a bit more. I figured out how to add music too. Wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. I LOVE the two songs that I chose. Marie Digby... she's so sweet! This song is a cover, but when I listened to her sing it... it became so real. I can really relate. The Plumb song... Rob put that on the girl's One Year Slideshow. (He started this tradition with the boy. I love it. He takes all of the pictures from their first year and makes me a slideshow... complete with music and everything.) This song makes me cry. I teach my "kids"--this is what I call the kids that I work with-- about the emotion and power in music. Funny, sometimes I forget that...

Too Busy

We are too busy. And I really don't like it.
Things have changed quite a bit in the past month.
My hubby, who has been a student and stay at home dad since before the boy was born, is now working almost full time.
It's been good, just a hard transition for all of us. We are blessed. Absolutely! My mom is now keeping the kids while we are at work, except for Fridays because I'm able to be home. They love their Kookah! And I couldn't have asked for better... my babies are with someone who loves them. That is the best.
I'm realizing now that I don't have my house-husband anymore, that I don't know anything about the things that I used to be the home-knower about. Things like... groceries. I have no idea what a good price for milk is. Diapers... how many come in a box and what store has the best deals. I have found myself completely unable to cook. (Not that this is one of my God given talents in the first place.) But I'm really struggling with preparing the menu for the week. I haven't been to the bank in, seriously, like years. I'm not even sure what a good price for gas is. It's almost as if when Rob started going to school and was not working my wife mind shut off. We has this complete role reversal, and it was good. (There was an adjustment period, but overall... it worked.) Don't get me wrong. This is working too. We are just in the adjustment period. This is a whole new set up for our family. All of us being in different places. The kids are doing great. They're a bit clingy when Friday comes... that's not unusual. After my four day, 40 hour work week, they miss me something awful... even when daddy was home. I think I'm the one having to adjust my mind. Funny, because I'm the only one of the four of us whose schedule didn't change at all. (Except for getting up quite a bit earlier to get my family out the door for the day.)
The work change isn't even the thing that is making our lives feel so busy. When we are together, it seems like we are just running from one thing to the next. We keep talking about things we want to do when things slow down.
I'm not so sure that things are going to slow down. I remember my mom and grandma talking about how fast time would fly by. I always thought that was just something that adults say. And then I became an adult. No rushing of the hour, no comments from my lips about the insanity of life and how "it's already time to start shopping for Christmas..." But then I became a mommy. And now, I totally get it. My theory? Having these little lives, seems to just give time a face. The boy is so big! And so smart! He understands concepts that just blow my mind! Like the emphasis of using his middle name when we need his attention. The other day, Rob had picked the kids up from my mom's and the boy was pretty upset about leaving his Kookah. He says, "Daddy!! I need to go back to Kookah's house!" Daddy, gently responds that Kookah is busy and it's time for us to go home. To which he responds, "Daddy Lyrik! (this is the boys middle name) I need to go back to Kookah's! Daddy Lyrik!" So funny! So smart! And baby girl! She's walking around like a pro! She wants to be just like her big brother. Superboy goes everywhere with his cape on. His new rule? No shirt? No shoes? No problem! No cape? May as well be the end of the world! Sissy found one of brother's little capes from his jammies. And now we are that family at target with both kids in thier capes. Baby girl even insisted that she make her sweet sundress complete for church with her very own cape. So cute! I love that she thinks her brother is the greatest! It's exactly what we hoped for when we found out we were pregnant with baby number 2! But it really feels like it was just yesterday. I know, so cliche! But seriously... it felt like just yesterday she was born, and now she's, really just like a little person, with her own opinions and personality. Time really is flying.
We will be celebrating our 9th Wedding Anniversary this summer. We graduated from highschool 10 years ago! We have been together for almost 12 years! Can't we slow things down just a bit?

Here's a couple of the newest pic of the babies... their one and three year photo shoots!